There is no doubt of a father’s role in the wise emotional and spiritual upbringing of their children. Here are some universal essentials and teaching principles particularly for all of us sons. ◊

I’m going on a camping trip this weekend. It’s not your typical camping trip with friends and family having fun out in the woods eating good food, roasting marshmallows, and sleeping under the stars – or at least in tents under the stars.

We’ll definitely have lots of fun out in the woods eating good food, roasting marshmallows, and sleeping under the stars. But this is going to be a very deliberate camping adventure centered around one particular grandson coming-of-age this month. His father (my son-in-law), is planning the whole thing with his own father, and a few of my grandson’s uncles, including two of my own sons.

It’s a Men’s Only Weekend dedicated to celebrating a young boy’s transitioning through life’s first of four major milestones. According to Robert Lewis, the author of Raising a Modern Day Knight, those milestones are as follows:

1. Puberty – that great transition at the start of adolescence when a boy’s body wreaks havoc with his mind.
2. High School Graduation – when, for the first time, a young man experiences unbridled freedom.
3. College Graduation – when a man must face the world and begin to provide for himself. Or could be the completion of a vocational training program or the conclusion of a military assignment.
4. Marriage – when a man assumes responsibility for a wife and the leadership of a family.¹

As Christian men, fathers and sons, we’ll all be proactively sharing thoughts and experiences with my young grandson that will lay a strong foundation for his ongoing development as a young adolescent, and a future young man, husband and father himself.

I wish my dad, uncles and grandfathers had done this with me.

Is There Actually a Fathering Playbook?
If you’re looking for how to raise a good son, it’s actually in the Bible. Unfortunately, it’s really easy to miss, though quite simple to understand.

But it’s difficult to do.

Here is the starting point. In the Old Testament, the entire Jewish nation was instructed specifically to observe the teachings of God. They were to:

“Fix these words of mine to your hearts and minds…Teach them to your children and speak of them as you sit in your house, as you walk along the road, as you lie down, and as you get up.” (Deuteronomy 11:18-19)

In other words, all the time.

The children were to be thoroughly immersed in this teaching. Each father, as the family spiritual head, is to be living and walking testimony of the ways of the Lord.²

The essence of these teachings was belief in and reverence of God and obedience to His teachings. The Ten Commandments summarize God’s statutes and ordinances for healthy living for all mankind.

But be clear that we are not today tied to Old Testament Jewish law.

4 Key Essentials for Sons
But as sons are to be eventual heads of household domains, these teachings apply today as much as they did in the past. In that light, keeping it simple, here are my 4 key essentials that I believe fathers should pass down to sons:

1. A Godly Worldview – modern fathers should instill a God-fearing worldview and initiate young men into the ways of the Lord and their Biblically ordained roles as men, husbands and fathers.
2. A Masculine Model – young men need an instructional life guide and a way of behavior that is ideally modeled by their father as a living example and supported by the Word of God.
3. A Purposeful Vision – in light of the Christian worldview, young men are to be taught something to live for beyond their own selfish wants and desires.
4. A Valued Competence – young boys/men need to hear from their father that they are a source of fatherly pride, that they “have what it takes” in real and perceived value and worth as a young man coming into their own.

4 Principles for Authentic Manhood
Robert Lewis provides specific guidance while comparing Adam with Jesus in terms of principles for authentic manhood:

1. Manhood Principle #1: A Real Man Rejects Passivity – Adam was passive in the garden (Genesis 3:6); Jesus rejected passivity. He is our model of strength in both mind and willful obedience (Philippians 2:5-9).
2. Manhood Principle #2: A Real Man Accepts Responsibility – Adam failed while Jesus succeeded in the 3 specific responsibilities that were given to him by God. 1) a will to obey (John 4:32); 2) a work to do (John 17:4); and 3) a woman to love (Ephesians 5:25). Note: Christ loves His bride, the Church.
3. Manhood Principle #3: A Real Man Leads Courageously – Adam failed to lead his wife; Jesus led by providing direction, protection, and His life for others (Matthew 4:19, John 10:11). Jesus possessed a sense of purpose and resolute strength, even in the midst of dark circumstances.
4. Manhood Principle #4: A Real Man Invests Eternally – Adam focused on the temporary, choosing what would satisfy him in the moment. Jesus invested in the eternal. He lived it and He taught it (Matthew 6:19-20). Real men of faith and obedience have the long view of life, not the short one.³

Lifelong Impact for Better or Worse
Think of the impact on young men, and the whole world, if all fathers were solid in their own life perspective to pass on these essentials and principles to their young sons.

My own father came to Christian knowledge and a saving faith late in life – six months before he died. He meant well and did his best with the worldly equipping from his own father, but in my youth he did not come close to possessing this type of Biblical wisdom.

His father never taught him.

Some wise teachers, coaches, pastors and mentors taught me some elements of this, but not to the impact and effect had it come directly from my father.

What is ideal – and what Scripture instructs – is that a father should pass this down to his own son(s). This heightens the chance that it will take hold deep inside teachable, yearning, and learning young hearts. I myself learned it eventually after too many years, particularly by way of Biblical teaching and brotherly fellowship with other Christian men.

While I never did the deliberate ceremonial camping weekend with my own sons, I did lay down a strong Christian foundation in our home. With that foundation established, each son had their own personal “Come to Jesus” experience as young men fully surrendering their own heart, mind, and will to God.

And that’s the ongoing hope and prayer of any godly father.

As a father, are you teaching these essentials and principles to your sons?
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“Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight, for I give you good precepts; do not forsake my teaching. When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother, he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live. Get wisdom; get insight; do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth.” – Proverbs 4:1-5

¹ Raising a Modern Day Knight, a Father’s Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood, by Robert Lewis, Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, IL, 1997, 2007, p. 114.

² Note: The “ways of the Lord” as laid out in Deuteronomy and passed on from God to Moses to the Israel nation as the Law, is part of God’s Covenant agreement with Abraham (Genesis 12:2) and his chosen family through which would come the birth of Jesus, the Redeemer of the world. Forgiveness of sins through Jesus is God’s New Covenant, the spiritual fulfillment of the Abrahamic covenant.

³ Ibid., Robert Lewis, pp. 51-61.

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